La base portante dell’adozione è la motivazione della coppia.
Però non si tratta di una sola, ma di molteplici fattori, significati, pensieri, emozioni e sentimenti molto articolati che vanno a delineare un quadro ampio e unico per ciascuna coppia genitoriale.
La ragione principale che porta una coppia a presentare domanda di adozione è il desiderio di dare una famiglia ad un minore in situazione di abbandono.
Possono anche esserci alla base positive esperienze dirette o indirette legate all’ adozione, il desiderio di completare la propria famiglia non avendo figli, il desiderio di avere una famiglia più numerosa, la volontà di dare compagnia al proprio figlio primogenito, il desiderio di avere qualcuno a cui dare il proprio affetto e infine quello di arricchire il rapporto di coppia.
Talvolta tuttavia queste forti motivazioni possono far sì che i bisogni primari del bambino adottato passino in secondo piano e finire con lo sfociare in una sorta di strumentalizzazione per la soddisfazione dei propri bisogni.
Ecco 5 fattori di rischio che potrebbero minare il successo di un’adozione:
L’unica alternativa rimasta
Alcune coppie arrivano all’adozione dopo aver sperimentato diversi percorsi alternativi alla genitorialità biologica ed essa diventa una sorta di “ultima spiaggia” per coronare il loro sogno. Il bambino diventerebbe dunque il loro riscatto verso un destino che non li ha inclusi nel suo disegno di genitorialità e procreazione.
Bambino o badante?
Spesso arrivano all’adozione coppie in cui uno dei due è affetto da malattia cronica o degenerativa, con l’idea di assicurarsi una vecchiaia accompagnata invece di solitaria e col risultato e il doloroso rischio che il figlio venga relegato al ruolo di aiutante.
Un figlio per un altro
Molte coppie che hanno sperimentato la tragica perdita di un figlio, ancora all’interno del processo di elaborazione del lutto, cercano nell’adozione un bambino che possa sostituire il figlio perso, con l’altrettanto tragico esito di negare la sua identità, la sua personalità, la sua storia.
Il senso di rivalsa
In alcuni casi le coppie sterili vengono viste dalle rispettive famiglie come incapaci, come non degne, ed essi cercano nell’adozione quella possibilità di riabilitarsi agli occhi dei propri genitori, dei parenti e della società come genitori e quindi meritevoli di stima e di un ruolo sociale ben definito.
Talvolta la coppia subisce la pressione delle famiglie d’origine per avere un erede che porti avanti il nome di famiglia e soprattutto che sia degno di portarlo. Così essi approdano all’adozione carichi di questo peso che a loro volta trasmetteranno al figlio caricandolo di aspettative rispetto a un compito più grande di lui e che non gli appartiene.
In conclusione, l’adozione necessità di una forte base motivazionale per ergersi in tutto il suo percorso e di un’attenzione focalizzata al bambino e ai suoi bisogni per riuscire a non perdere l’equilibrio.
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