Il tema del legame di attaccamento nell’ambito dell’adozione è sempre molto delicato.
Sicuramente le esperienze vissute dai bambini nei primi anni di vita incidono significativamente sui rapporti con i nuovi genitori.
Anche la durata della permanenza in istituto rappresenta una variabile significativa in questo processo.
Innanzitutto è possibile affermare che il successo di un legame di attaccamento tra bambino e genitore adottivo non dipende dall’età del bambino al momento dell’adozione, poiché le circostanze e le esperienze pregresse sono diverse per ogni singolo caso.
Bambini provenienti dall’adozione possono manifestare inizialmente una spiccata preferenza per un genitore nello specifico. Preferenza che non è prevedibile a priori, poiché dipende profondamente dalle esperienze soggettive del bambino.
Ad esempio, bambini cresciuti in istituto e che hanno sperimentato cure prevalentemente da parte di una figura femminile, sono portati a scegliere la madre adottiva in quanto figura “nota”. Da qui l’impiego di più tempo per instaurare un legame col padre adottivo.
Tuttavia può accadere anche l’esatto contrario, con il padre adottivo che rappresenta una figura nuova, meritevole di curiosa esplorazione. Nello specifico ciò accade a spesso bambini che hanno vissuto esperienze di abbandono molto profonde ad opera di figure femminili.
Quindi i problemi nell’instaurazione del legame di attaccamento possono avvenire sia nei bambini piccoli sia in quelli più grandi.
Ecco un elenco di segnali che possono sottendere difficoltà di attaccamento:
- difficoltà nel dare e ricevere affetto
- comportamenti autodistruttivi o crudeli
- gentilezza artificiosa
- incapacità o difficoltà a guardare negli occhi i genitori
- ammassare il cibo o ingozzarsi
- problemi di linguaggio (es. chiacchierata incessante)
- bisogno estremo di controllo
- mancanza di amici
- mania del fuoco (accendere piccoli falò appena possibile)
- affetto indiscriminato o fiducia immediata verso gli estranei
- problemi di apprendimento
- mentire di fronte all’ovvio
- ostilità e rifiuto nei confronti dei genitori
Soprattutto in bambini più grandi, l’ingresso in una nuova famiglia e l’instaurazione di un legame di attaccamento con i genitori adottivi può configurarsi come un “tradimento” verso la famiglia biologica, ed essi possono sentirsi come “cattivi” nei confronti di quest’ultima.
Questo sfocia spesso in sentimenti di colpa inespressi che possono diventare fonte di ansia e di rallentamento nella formazione del legame di attaccamento.
I problemi nel legame di attaccamento del figlio adottivo con i nuovi genitori dipendono quindi dalla forza, dalla durata e dalle caratteristiche dell’attaccamento con i genitori biologici, dall’età della separazione o della rottura con essi, da eventuali incontri successivi con la famiglia biologica e dal temperamento del bambino.
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