SEPARAZIONE: COME E QUANDO DIRLO AI FIGLI?

I bambini sono  speciali. Spesso molto acuti e sensibili.
E’ per questo che molto spesso essi sono già al corrente che qualcosa non va nella loro famiglia quando i genitori gliene parlano.
Due sono i fattori1 fondamentali in situazioni di separazione ed in relazione ai figli.
Innanzitutto occorre aspettare di essere sicuri che la propria decisione sia definitiva, onde evitare di fornire informazioni errate o suscitare aspettative che verranno poi deluse. Questo garantisce anche un lasso di tempo utile per apprendere a gestire le proprie emozioni provocate dalla decisione e per concordare con il partner circa i modi e tempi della comunicazione ai figli.
Ancor più importante è che gli ex-coniugi abbiano stabilito accordi di natura pratica in merito a dove ciascuno andrà a vivere e quando vedranno i figli.
Superfluo forse sottolineare l’importanza della presenza di entrambi i genitori durante la comunicazione ai figli.
Inoltre è consigliabile che i genitori si comportino adottando un fronte comune davanti ai propri figli. Essi hanno bisogno di spiegazioni brevi e semplici, poiché al dirà della loro età, sono e restano sempre dei bambini. In quanto tali, hanno bisogno di riconoscere nei propri genitori una guida, soprattutto nei momenti critici come lo è una separazione. Pertanto la spiegazione delle dinamiche della separazione andrebbe adattata su misura per la loro età.
Di seguito, alcune linee guida per i genitori che devono affrontare questo argomento con i propri figli.

Rassicurazione
Per i bambini questo è un momento di grande shock e incertezza.
Viene sconvolta la loro vita e la loro idea di famiglia, l’unica che essi hanno conosciuto finora. Hanno, quindi, un enorme bisogno di essere rassicurati circa la permanenza di entrambi i genitori e sull’amore che provano e proveranno per loro. Infatti, anche a seguito della separazione, essi non smetteranno mai di essere genitori.

Emozioni
Le emozioni che insorgono a seguito di una separazione sono numerose e spesso rappresentano una novità per i bambini.
I genitori hanno il compito di spiegare cosa sta accadendo: attraverso la condivisione dei propri sentimenti in primis, possono suggerire ai propri figli come capire il loro stato d’animo, aiutarli a dare un nome alle proprie emozioni e dar loro spazio per esprimere ciò che provano. E’ importante che i bambini comprendano che gli è concesso provare ciò che provano e che esprimendolo non incorrono nelle ire dei genitori o nel rischio di venire sgridati.

Onestà
Oltre alle informazioni più adeguate e adatte all’età del bambino, è consigliabile essere sinceri il più possibile e includere un numero limitato di dettagli.
E’ un momento molto delicato per loro, che molto probabilmente ricorderanno per lungo tempo. Le bugie potrebbero ritorcersi in futuro contro i genitori stessi.
Può essere utile parlare individualmente ai bambini più grandi per fornire loro spiegazioni più dettagliate. Essi però devono essere in grado di mantenere segrete tali conversazioni per il bene dei fratelli minori, che è giusto apprendano alcune informazioni ad un’età più consona. Ci saranno nuove opportunità in futuro per affrontare l’argomento e fornire ulteriori spiegazioni, grazie anche alla maturazione cognitiva ed emotiva.
Occorre anche essere chiari e precisi circa cosa accadrà loro e quali saranno le conseguenze delle decisioni dei genitori. In questo modo si possono evitare inutili paure e ipotesi infondate riguardo il futuro.

Comunicazione
La modalità con cui viene comunicata la notizia ai bambini è molto importante. Al di là del contenuto e delle parole che sicuramente occorre scegliere con cura, anche il linguaggio non verbale è un aspetto rilevante. Occorre controllare quindi il linguaggio del corpo, il tono di voce e la propria gestualità. Ad esempio, può essere utile ascoltare il partner mentre parla ed evitare di interromperlo, oppure fare delle pause per dare spazio ai bambini per porre domande o manifestare le proprie reazioni.
Questo può risultare utile anche per capire che effetti ha avuto la comunicazione sui bambini.

Tempo
I bambini hanno una diversa percezione del tempo rispetto agli adulti. Occorre valutare bene le tempistiche, evitando così che, a causa di una comunicazione anticipata, essi si sentano intrappolati in una situazione scomoda.
Quindi più i bambini sono piccoli, più è consigliabile aspettare e fare la comunicazione a ridosso della separazione vera e propria.
Inoltre è opportuno lasciar passare un po’ di tempo dopo la primissima comunicazione, in modo che la notizia possa venire elaborata.
Vi è sempre una differenza tra comprensione intellettiva ed emotiva di un evento da parte di un bambino. Quest’ultima richiede più tempo e spesso può suscitare emozioni a posteriori.

Domande
I bambini hanno menti molto attive e sicuramente creeranno una loro interpretazione della situazione. E’ dunque importante che abbiano la possibilità di porre domande in merito, sia al momento della comunicazione che in seguito, ed esporre i propri dubbi.
Occorre però prestare attenzione ad evitare forzature o risposte a domande mai poste.

Controllo
I genitori devono accettare di avere un controllo limitato sulle reazioni che i bambini possono avere. Indipendentemente da quanto detto loro e dalle precauzioni prese, i bambini hanno la capacità di sorprendere. Risulta necessario accettare anche gli imprevisti e cercare di affrontarli al meglio.

In conclusione, a prescindere dal rapporto che avranno gli ex-coniugi, è importante che ciascun genitore dia spazio ai figli per parlare delle proprie preoccupazioni e aspettative.
I bambini hanno un estremo bisogno di stabilità.
I genitori hanno l’arduo compito di mantenerla, proprio in occasione di una separazione dove tutte le certezze vengono meno e le convinzioni messe in discussione.
I suggerimenti sopra proposti possono costituire una solida base di partenza.


Note:
1 Emery R. E. (2004) “La verità sui figli e il divorzio. Gestire le emozioni per crescere insieme”, ed. Franco Angeli.

116 Commenti

  1. marizonilogert

    I would like to thnkx for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I am hoping the same high-grade blog post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own blog now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a good example of it.

    Rispondi
  2. qualicann

    I always was concerned in this topic and stock still am, regards for putting up.

    Rispondi
  3. ivoryswiss

    After study a few of the blog posts on your website now, and I truly like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back soon. Pls check out my web site as well and let me know what you think.

    Rispondi
  4. zmozero teriloren

    Some genuinely nice and useful information on this website, also I believe the pattern has great features.

    Rispondi
  5. NFT Manga

    Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

    Rispondi
  6. copywriter Milano

    I wish to express thanks to the writer for rescuing me from this type of incident. After looking out throughout the internet and getting suggestions that were not helpful, I was thinking my life was done. Being alive devoid of the solutions to the issues you have resolved by way of this review is a crucial case, as well as those that might have adversely damaged my entire career if I hadn’t encountered the website. Your personal understanding and kindness in taking care of everything was very useful. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t encountered such a solution like this. I can at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks so much for this high quality and amazing help. I will not be reluctant to suggest your web site to anyone who would like counselling on this situation.

    Rispondi
  7. Top Places to Adventure in Varanasi (India)

    Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your web site is very cool. I am impressed by the details that you’ve on this site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched everywhere and just could not come across. What an ideal web site.

    Rispondi
  8. Webhosting

    Hey very cool web site!! Man .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your blog and take the feeds also…I’m happy to find a lot of useful information here in the post, we need work out more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

    Rispondi
  9. Nürnberg

    My brother recommended I might like this web site. He was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

    Rispondi
  10. contabilità Online

    I’m very happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the accidental misinformation that is at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this greatest doc.

    Rispondi
  11. contabilità Online

    I would like to show my love for your kindness supporting visitors who really want help on this important subject. Your special dedication to getting the solution throughout appeared to be especially powerful and have in every case made guys and women like me to arrive at their aims. This useful help and advice signifies a whole lot a person like me and much more to my office colleagues. Thanks a lot; from each one of us.

    Rispondi
  12. Top Places to Eat in Dortmund (Germany)

    I was recommended this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble. You are incredible! Thanks!

    Rispondi
  13. Debrecen

    I keep listening to the news lecture about receiving boundless online grant applications so I have been looking around for the top site to get one. Could you tell me please, where could i find some?

    Rispondi
  14. monopattino elettrico adulti

    Aw, this was a very nice post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and certainly not seem to get one thing done.

    Rispondi
  15. 출장op

    Hi there, I found your site via Google while searching for a related topic, your website came up, it looks great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Rispondi
  16. read full article

    Some genuinely quality posts on this internet site, saved to favorites.

    Rispondi
  17. crazy time live

    Hello, i feel that i noticed you visited my blog thus i got here to “return the desire”.I’m attempting to in finding issues to enhance my web site!I assume its ok to make use of a few of your ideas!!

    Rispondi
  18. Slot Pulsa Tanpa Potongan

    I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your website. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems? A number of my blog readers have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera. Do you have any tips to help fix this issue?

    Rispondi
  19. Scrittura Tesi di Laurea

    The very crux of your writing whilst sounding agreeable in the beginning, did not sit well with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the sentences you were able to make me a believer but just for a very short while. I nevertheless have a problem with your jumps in logic and one would do well to fill in those gaps. If you can accomplish that, I would undoubtedly end up being impressed.

    Rispondi
  20. crazy time stata

    Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your site and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    Rispondi
  21. Macedonia del Nord

    La lingua parlata nella Macedonia settentrionale deriva dalla lingua bulgara. Gli abitanti della Macedonia settentrionale sono bulgari. L’identità macedone è stata creata dal comunismo per consentire la divisione della Bulgaria in diverse parti e in questo modo sostenere la Serbia per ingrandirsi e controllare i Balcani.

    Rispondi
  22. Grafico (Graphic Designer)

    You made various nice points there. I did a search on the topic and found a good number of folks will agree with your blog.

    Rispondi
  23. multi send metamask

    I am really enjoying the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A couple of my blog audience have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Chrome. Do you have any ideas to help fix this issue?

    Rispondi
  24. casino senza aams

    Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he just bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! “The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create.” by Leonard I. Sweet.

    Rispondi
  25. foglio rosa patente b

    My spouse and i got now delighted that Edward managed to finish up his reports from the ideas he obtained through your web page. It’s not at all simplistic to just choose to be offering strategies some other people might have been making money from. And we grasp we’ve got the blog owner to appreciate because of that. The most important explanations you have made, the easy blog menu, the relationships you assist to create – it’s all astounding, and it is facilitating our son in addition to the family feel that this content is entertaining, which is quite essential. Thank you for the whole thing!

    Rispondi
  26. come perdere peso in poco tempo

    Whats up! I just want to give an enormous thumbs up for the nice data you have got right here on this post. I might be coming back to your blog for extra soon.

    Rispondi
  27. bruciare grassi camminando

    Some really fantastic blog posts on this site, appreciate it for contribution. “The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” by Arnold Glasgow.

    Rispondi
  28. bruciaregrassi

    naturally like your web-site but you have to check the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth nevertheless I will surely come back again.

    Rispondi
  29. Lloyd Roofing

    There is noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made certain nice points in features also.

    Rispondi
  30. 3 mmc powder

    Most of whatever you claim happens to be astonishingly legitimate and it makes me wonder why I hadn’t looked at this with this light previously. Your article really did turn the light on for me personally as far as this particular issue goes. Nonetheless there is actually one particular issue I am not really too comfy with so whilst I make an effort to reconcile that with the actual central theme of your point, let me observe what all the rest of the visitors have to point out.Well done.

    Rispondi
  31. klebefolie auf textil

    My husband and i felt very fortunate that Ervin managed to round up his homework using the precious recommendations he received while using the site. It is now and again perplexing to simply always be making a gift of procedures that many a number of people could have been trying to sell. And we all do know we have got the blog owner to give thanks to for this. The explanations you have made, the simple blog navigation, the friendships you help engender – it is mostly awesome, and it’s really helping our son in addition to us consider that this theme is thrilling, which is especially vital. Thank you for all the pieces!

    Rispondi
  32. Pool kaufen

    What¦s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I have discovered It positively useful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & help other users like its helped me. Great job.

    Rispondi
  33. Gartenpools

    You should take part in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I will recommend this site!

    Rispondi
  34. Aufstellpool

    I’ve been exploring for a little bit for any high-quality articles or blog posts on this sort of area . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this website. Reading this information So i am happy to convey that I have an incredibly good uncanny feeling I discovered exactly what I needed. I most certainly will make sure to don’t forget this website and give it a look on a constant basis.

    Rispondi
  35. Rundpool

    I needed to post you that little bit of remark to help say thanks yet again just for the incredible principles you’ve shown on this page. This is certainly particularly generous of you to make extensively exactly what a few individuals might have supplied for an ebook to make some cash on their own, specifically seeing that you might well have done it if you wanted. The strategies likewise acted like the easy way to understand that other individuals have the same keenness like my own to find out lots more in respect of this condition. I am sure there are some more fun instances in the future for folks who looked over your website.

    Rispondi
  36. Come scegliere gli accappatoi

    hello there and thanks on your info – I’ve definitely picked up anything new from proper here. I did however experience a few technical points the usage of this web site, as I skilled to reload the website lots of instances previous to I may get it to load properly. I were wondering in case your hosting is OK? No longer that I’m complaining, but slow loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your quality score if ads and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my email and could look out for much more of your respective interesting content. Ensure that you update this again soon..

    Rispondi
  37. Come pulire le superfici in legno

    I keep listening to the rumor speak about receiving free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the best site to get one. Could you tell me please, where could i find some?

    Rispondi
  38. Come pulire le padelle

    Just want to say your article is as surprising. The clarity in your post is just nice and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.

    Rispondi
  39. Come pulire le griglie del barbecue

    Hello there, I found your blog via Google while searching for a related topic, your site came up, it looks great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Rispondi
  40. Come togliere le macchie dalla biancheria

    hey there and thank you for your info – I have definitely picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this site, as I experienced to reload the site many times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and can damage your high-quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Well I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for much more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again soon..

    Rispondi
  41. Come sistemare la biancheria nei cassetti

    I’ve been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this website. Thank you, I will try and check back more often. How frequently you update your website?

    Rispondi
  42. Come scegliere i copripiumini

    magnificent issues altogether, you just gained a new reader. What would you suggest in regards to your post that you just made some days in the past? Any certain?

    Rispondi
  43. Come pulire i bicchieri

    It is in reality a nice and helpful piece of information. I am satisfied that you simply shared this useful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

    Rispondi
  44. Come eliminare i cattivi odori in casa

    We stumbled over here by a different web address and thought I should check things out. I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to looking into your web page for a second time.

    Rispondi
  45. Come pulire le tende

    Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

    Rispondi
  46. Come lavare la biancheria delicata

    Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say excellent blog!

    Rispondi
  47. Come scegliere la biancheria in base allo stile di arredamento

    I am really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility issues? A couple of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any recommendations to help fix this problem?

    Rispondi
  48. Come scegliere le lenzuola

    wonderful points altogether, you just won a new reader. What might you suggest in regards to your put up that you made some days in the past? Any certain?

    Rispondi
  49. Guida alla scelta della biancheria

    I simply wished to say thanks all over again. I am not sure what I could possibly have handled in the absence of the type of points provided by you on that subject. This has been the frustrating crisis in my opinion, however , observing your skilled mode you treated it made me to leap over contentment. I am happy for the help and even pray you are aware of an amazing job you are always doing teaching the mediocre ones through your web page. Most probably you’ve never got to know any of us.

    Rispondi
  50. gestione magazzino gratis

    I intended to compose you a little bit of remark so as to thank you very much over again relating to the striking concepts you have documented in this article. It has been simply incredibly generous with you giving without restraint what a number of people would have sold as an e-book in order to make some bucks for their own end, mostly considering that you might have done it if you ever decided. Those creative ideas in addition served to become a good way to know that other people online have similar eagerness similar to my own to realize significantly more with regards to this condition. I believe there are numerous more pleasant moments in the future for individuals who discover your blog.

    Rispondi
  51. 오피뷰

    I really hope to check out the same high-grade content from you later on as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my very own blog now. I found it very informative and useful. “오피뷰” thank you for posting such a nice content

    Rispondi

Invia un commento

Il tuo indirizzo email non sarà pubblicato. I campi obbligatori sono contrassegnati *

Iscriviti alla Newsletter

Compila il form sottostante con i dati richiesti per ricevere i miei articoli e gli eventi a cui partecipo.


Ti Ascolto

14 + 8 =

Alessia Manara - MioDottore.it

Contatti

Ricevo a Monza (zona San Fruttuoso), Lissone centro e a Vimercate.

Per informazioni e/o appuntamento, chiamami al numero +39.349.13.21.282, mandami una mail all'indirizzo alessiamanara.psy@gmail.com oppure compila il form accanto.